It has been months (years if I am honest) since I have last sat down to write on this blog. I dont know why I have taken so long. Well, I know of the mental and physical blocks that have stood in my way, but the emotional ones, those Im still trying to work through.
A thousand unshared stories have been whirling around in my head all of this time, with each yearning to be shared and pushing me a little step closer to finally sitting down and letting my fingers dance across the keyboard. Each nudging me and whispering softly in my ear “Dont be afraid of your passion. It is the gift that has been given to you to share”. Yes, a gift in a form of a passion for writing, for putting my views and experiences of this wild ride we call life into written sentences, that somehow always end up sounding so much more beautiful than when I attempt to speak them. So if my gift and passion is writing that it is only befitting that the first story I tell after all this time is about love. Because isn’t passion just another word for love?
I have finally done something which I have been petrified of since the day I started writing this blog. 18 months ago I have avoided it yet something in me kept yearning to do it. Calling my name softly from the distance whilst I ran further in the opposite direction. Afraid that if I did it I would be judged. That it wouldn’t be good enough or spiritual enough for you to connect to.
I am talking about shooting a vlog.
Last few months I have found myself in a challenging situation with a particular person that has become my greatest teacher of my own vulnerability and attachment to past fears and pains.
Over the years vulnerability was never my strong point (who’s is!?) and yet this person unexpectedly triggered the very core of it. It stumped me as much as it unravelled me. I tried to fight it at first as much as I could however a small voice in me softly whispered “Let go sister, this is a place and time for you to heal what you are yet to discover is broken.” And so I did. I released my rather strong grip on control and allowed myself to walk into a situation that I knew was about to bring a whole lotta’ challenges. And boy did it ever!!
Eight years ago I slipped a disc in my back that required me to spend a few weeks incapable of much movement and therefore bound to my bed with a lot of time on my hands to contemplate my very existence and review the direction in which my life was going. It was also the time that set me on a path on which I find myself today and is the reason for my spiritual awakening.